Tuesday, July 20, 2010

I take blogging far too seriously



Please be warned the following post is somewhat long and somewhat emo. Though I felt I had to make this post to clear up some things about my blog. And I also needed to vent some of my feelings, which is what a blog is for anyway. A specifically themed blog or not.

Just sitting here on a raining day reading conspiracy sites and Jpop blogs has made me think of a few things I've been meaning to get off my chest.
As the effect of trying to please everyone who happens across my blog too much, the quality of my blog has suffered greatly. In the 6 months of 2008 that I blogged I had 56 posts, and in 2009 I had 141 posts. That's roughly 197 posts about H!P. In October 2009 I announced some changes to my blog, that I would officially be covering all idol groups not just H!P and occasional posts about JE. After the announcment you'd think I'd have about 5 times as much posts as I usually do, but the fact is I have even less then usual. Right now I have about 64 posts for 2010. Which is pitiful compared to what I should have. And what's the reason behind that? I don't want to be too biased toward one group. Back in 2008 and 2009 when I was blogging about H!P solely, I made posts about everything going on in H!P. I mean everything! Photobooks, CM, previews, sometimes even comments about pictures. But since I expanded beyond that I stopped reporting every single piece of news. Because if I focused too much on H!P it wouldn't be fair to JE or other idol groups, my idol blog would be too one sided.

So that leaves me where I am now. Not wanting to post too much news or too much info about each agency. So I end up only posting half of what I'd like to. And since I focus too much about what I shouldn't be posting, I completely forget about all the other idol groups. Not only that I think to blog about any other idol group/agency I have to be a 100% complete super fan that knows every small detail about the music, members, history, and background before I can even post about the artist at all. There's been a few things about AKB48 that I've physically stopped myself from posting because I don't know AKB48 by the back of my hand yet. So then I also worry that I'm not catering to AKB48 fans enough. And I become momentarily defeated.

But actually when I first started posting in 2008 I knew very little about C-ute and Berryz Koubou. I had literally just started listening to them a few months prior to creating my blog, because when I first got into H!P for the first 2 years I only listened to Morning Musume. When I first started blogging I didn't even know each member of Berryz Koubou and C-ute's names. That's a fact. Yet I blogged about them anyway. Since I've gotten more comfortable with blogging I feel I absolutely have to know everything about each group to make a half way decent post. Which in turns puts an insane amount of unnecessary pressure on me. Turning something I do in my free time as a hobby, into something more serious than it is. And at the same time makes my blog suffer.

I also get extremely discouraged that my blog gets pretty much zero recognition. Of course back in 2008, when I was a silly 16 year old with no grasp on making a well thought out post, it didn't bother me much. But from time to time it does take a big toll on me. Even though I make this blog 100% for myself alone not to be the biggest blog in the world, it still hurts when my well thought out posts get basically ignored. Or I see a post getting featured on a blog that is less then deserving. Especially when I have similar posts. And being completely modest and not arrogant, my posts are sometimes a lot better written. I've also considered to stop witting all together from time to time. Since my blog isn't really all that popular anyway. And practically the only way to make it popular is to have my blog featured on other blogs. But after asking to be featured about 6 times, and not being featured for no reason at all. I stopped trying and chalked it up as not being important or worth my time to try anymore.
But to quit blogging for such a selfish reason would make me an immature child that can't deal with inadequacy. But since I'm still a human I can't help but have those feelings from time to time.

I guess I'm just in a very sombre, apathetic, almost self loathing mood. Or maybe I just take things way more seriously then I should. Or perhaps I give meaning to things I shouldn't. Or I just make things a bigger part of my life then they should be. But as I move closer and closer to have been blogging for 2 years, if feels like I didn't accomplish anything. And blogs that are 2 years old or younger seem to have way more views and exposure than my own.

I should just end this post here. Anymore and I sound like a crybaby. Or someone who is looking for people to feel sorry for her. But I assure you neither was my intention. I was merely getting things off my chest. And basically giving an explanation for blog posts about AKB48, Idoling!!!, and etc in the near future. Even though I'm not a super intense fan of them. I honestly don't care about that anymore. Beside there are popular blogs out there that make posts saying such and such PV is out, post the video, and end their post. And still get featured on blogs. So what difference would it make if I'm not a mega fan, or might have limited or noobish knowledge of them?

9 comments:

Noa said...

Hi! I'm not sure if this matters or not but I'm a girl that's a regular reader here and i check out your blog pretty much daily! I really like reading your reviews and such and when you did that thing with your hey say jump cd (where you got you mom's and your sisters's opinions) I thought it was really entertaining :)

I don't think this was the kind of recognition you wanted but I think you should be aware that you've got a regular reader (most likely more than one) on your blog

Sorry for making a long comment but I felt the need to do so

Also, about the need to become a super fan, i think its ok to post if you aren't knowledgeable about a group's everything because I bet other fans will help you out if youre unsure about something

Anyways, cheer up!

dreamtiny said...

... now I feel bad because I'm a lurker :( I'M SORRY D:

I see lots of good blog posts get passed up for less impressive ones, and it's saddening because there are some really good posts out there that only maybe 20 people will ever read. I hate to use my blog as an example, but this post about artists promoting at anime cons was something very important to me that I blogged about. Did people read it? Yes. Did it get exposure? no. One of my regular readers did comment on it and we had a great discussion, and that was enough for me.

Personally, I think you're doing a great job on your own. I really liked your KJ8 review. Enough humor/exposition in it for me to understand it, even if I'm not a KJ8 fan and only know Ryo thanks to NEWS (those cracks at Ryo you made were awesome lol).

Anyway this is how I deal with artists I don't know: I ask for song recommendations and sometimes someone nice enough will come along and give me some :) though with members I tend to try learning them on my own.

In the end I think you should just post whatever you want to :)

(btw I HATE when blogs just post the PVs. it's a blog, write something damnit. I'm not coming to you for the videos (I can find them myself, thanks), I'm coming for the editorials/reviews! grah.)

AimxAim said...

@Nao: Thanks Nao, I truly am grateful for the support I get from you. I'm also glad that you enjoy my posts. I try to make them as entertaining as possible. :] People who read my blog daily are what keep me going on a day to day basis. <3

I'm honestly ok now with not having thousands of hits a day. I'm happy over the support that I have. I just pretty much had a moment of weakness. Almost a breaking point from my 2nd blog anniversary, in a few days. Putting a number on it, kind of puts everything in perspective and makes me overanalyze the situation more. I think having encourage comments for a few people is really enough for me. I'm happy to say that I'm over my funk. :]

Thanks for letting me now other fans will help me on things that I'm unsure of. :] I've never really asked for opinions/help on thing son my blog before, but I never needed it before. That's why I've been a little hesitant to ask.

AimxAim said...

Sorry that I spilt my responses up, but they were wayyy too long to be together. XD

@dreamtiny: You don't have to feel bad for being a stalker. I honestly don't mind. That's why in my post I didn't say "OMG YOU HAVE TO COMMENT ME OR I'LL DIE!" Because I want people to comment my posts when they feel compelled to do so, not because they feel obligated. :]

That's exactly how I feel, it's honestly frustrated to see good posts go to waste. And then you question yourself, cause you wonder if it's really blog quality or about your personality/amount of friends you have in the blogging community. I don't mind you using you blog as an example. (I read the posts, actually really liked it. I've never heard of BENI, I'm gonna check her out now. :] And by the way I hate how Jpop is divided! I listen to all Jpop and Jrock though. XD Well mostly all. And VK already had Jrock Revolution, so it's a start.)
I do understand when you say having a conversation with a reader was enough for you. I've had a few good convos with readers myself.

I'm glad you liked my Kanjani8 post. :] I'm not a big Kanjani8 fan myself. I like a couple songs, and I know their names. That's about it. XD (Thanks. I love Ryo.<3)

Yeah, I'm definitely going to post what I want from now on. :]

(I hate when blogs do that! That's exactly how I feel. I've seen about 7 blogs that do that. It's annoying. ._.)

Clara said...

I actually find you're blog when I was doing a google research for AKB48 blog and even if you don't write much about them I still love you're blog and read all you're entry because they interesting and well written (I actually read all you're archives because i'm insane and apparently I have time to spare..XD)

And yeah they are blogs who just post a pv and have more hits but I think it's because lot of people like simplicity and just want to watch the PV and don't care about the rest

Anyway just post what you want i'll still continue to read you're blog and I'm sure the rest of you're readers will too :)

dreamtiny said...

I lurk way too much anyway bahaha.
SAME OMG. Honestly I just started blogging so I could talk about J-pop/K-pop and somehow it turned into reviewing right after I started it. Not how I originally intended to blog but oh well, I get to whine about J-pop/K-pop in my reviews now XD

Gah I knoow. But I stopped caring a while back because seriously I just like writing editorials. Lots of fun. Though I'm afraid that eventually I'll run out of ideas D: On the other hand at least two of my affies (and not any we share so that narrows it down... considerably) are seriously obsessed with their stats/getting featured. And they do get featured... but I feel like they're whoring themselves out to do so :/ I don't want to be like that, since it doesn't matter much as long as someone reads it, right? :)

(and HOLY CRAP I hate how divided the J-pop fandom is. though hilariously enough because of that there are barely any antis, compared to K-pop which is more united. then again they have less artists and the idols get shoved down their throats all the time. in Japan they really only care about Johnny's/AKB48 at the moment. and actually in that BENI article I posted someone mentioned JRR in a response to my comment - I didn't see it until yesterday -_-; - anyway it was apparently not very successful but I wish still...)

But it was pretty good nonetheless :) I mean I don't even know KJ8 past Ryo so haha. one of my commenters (coughspammercough) wants me to like them AND V6 AND some other Johnny group I can't even remember but gah where do I find the tiiiiime.

And good! You shouldn't feel pressure from anyone to post :) Just... don't post annually lol. One of the bloggers I followed stopped posting for an ENTIRE YEAR and then only posted on his anniversary... then disappeared again. -_-;

(like if it was a news blog I'd understand, but even those try and say a little something about the video. I have it set up so if you scroll down the home page you can just see maybe a little blurb and the video and then the review goes under the cut. I mean if they don't want to read it I'm not going to force them lol.)

AimxAim said...

@Clara: While researching AKB48, really? I find that strange because I only have like 3 posts about them so far. XD I'm glad that you enjoy my blog. (Wow all the archvies? O_O That's 2 years worth, that's impressive. I appreciate you doing that. <3)

Yeah I guess that's true. But wouldn't they just watch the PV on youtube then? XD

Thank you. I will definitely post what I want from now one. :]

AimxAim said...

@dreamtiny: Lol. I lurk a lot on blogs too. XD I started to blog from the basically the same reason. I wanted a place to post all my fangirly feelings. Orginally my blog was going to be about Japanese music in general. Which is why my older posts have random reviews of An Cafe and Amuro Namie. XDXD

Usually I stop caring too. But I have those monets where I feel completely defeated. :/ I mostly write news/reviews, they're the msot fun things to write to me. I'll write an editorial ever once in a blue moon, when I feel really strong about something. Really it's not that important to me that I have to whore myself out to get featured. If it happens it happens. If it doesn't, it's not gonna bother me anymore. :] Exactly, as long as someone reads is enough.

(I never understood why Kpop has anti at all. It's completely pointless. Jpop kinda does. AKB48 fans hate H!P fans, and vice versa. There's a lot of AKB48 is superior in everyway hate going on. XD And JE fans hate every other JE artist fans. XD I guess that could count more divided though, but it seems kinda anti to me. XD Really? I always though JRR was sucessful. I just know I would have sold a kidney to have been able to go. TOT)

Oh lol. Kanjani8 is a little crazy, but their cool sometimes. And you should totally make the time for JE. They're amazing.<3

Anually? O_O I think I'd die if I only posted once a year. I'd have no where else to fangirl! XDXD

(Yeah I get what you mean. But this blog is a news/review blog. And even yet I always post my opinion on everything, to make everything going on as interesting as possible. I've been wanting to cut my posts, so my blog looks cleaner. But I hve no idea how to do that on blogger. XD)

dreamtiny said...

I remember the exact instance I was like "screw this I need to blog:" it was when there was this article on the Backstreet Boys knowing about DBSK and the comments made me soooooo mad and I wanted to rant about it. But I never ended up ranting about it.

Yeah those moments. I have them too but ehh I think I'm just so addicted to blogging it stopped mattering. And I swear every other post I make, even if it's a review, has editorial elements -_-; I'm just sooo wordy. But yeah don't let it bother you :)

(me neither. Kpop fandom is so weird sometimes :/ and yeah it's mostly fandom clashes. I once tried to see if there were any serious anti groups for Jpop artists and I got one Berryz Koubou one and one general H!P one. both were Crunchyroll groups -_-; so weird. I would've loved to go too :/ ah if only.)

I only have time for Arashi/NEWS/Tegomass! XD okay I tried a little HSJ and I don't like them much. KAT-TUN I'm trying. and the others... eventually.

Hahaha but some don't post for WEEKS. I hate that.

(Personally I wish cuts worked like they do on LJ :/ but I hate LJ's layouts/new tagging system so ehhh.)